\\sin

I don’t quite understand why we sin the way we do. We do the same things over and over knowing we are doing something wrong, something we have no business doing, but that never stops us. Then we repent as though God should be grateful to even hear from us. We sin and hope the grace doesn’t run out, pray that we are not wasting our breath to a God that’s tired of hearing how sorry we are that we’ve messed up yet again. Faith keeps us holding on the belief that no matter how badly we behave, we are never too far, amazingly we never are. But why, if we truly love God, would we hurt him by intentionally sinning and then repenting as though we didn’t know what we did was wrong. We get as close to the line as we can without crossing it, pointing at it and saying “Look God, I’m not crossing any lines!” Do you think he cares about the line between sinning and kind of almost sinning? Not so much. He only looks at our hearts and the motivation behind our actions.

Guilt comes with sin, we always feel bad after we do. There’s a reason we feel heavy in our hearts, it’s because we were not created to sin. We were created to live in harmony with God, to be close, to feel His heartbeat and know how he loves us. We were not created to sin because sin separates us from God; and we were created to be close to Him. Sin places a gap between Him and us, a gap that was never supposed to exist. He never intended us to be removed from His love, His grace.

So then Jesus came to this earth and died for our sins because He loves us, He wanted to bridge that gap and bring us back to Him. Does that mean that we can exploit forgiveness? Does that give us the right to test grace? I once heard grace described not as the forgiveness of God after we sin, that is mercy, but rather the supernatural ability to refrain from sinning. Grace is God’s way of saying “I know you’re human and you will make mistakes, but let me help you avoid some of those mistakes, and the pain and regret, with grace.” Mercy is God’s way of saying “I know you’re human, and you made a mistake, but I still love you.”

His love is so deep and so infinite we cannot comprehend it, it bridges all gaps and rights all wrongs. And because of that, we take advantage of it as though we deserve it. We make these excuses and comparisons “Well, I mean, at least I didn’t kill anybody. I know I sinned but was it really THAT bad?” And I think that probably breaks God’s heart more than anything. Take responsibility. Repent. Turn away from sin and start pursuing God’s grace. Love God more than your flesh and your desires. The truth is, we can make an excuse for anything, and we can justify anything in our minds, but it’s your heart that condemns you.

There is a great scripture in Ephesians (4:28) that I love it says “He who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with his own hands, that he may have something to share with those in need.” When you steal you are taking away from someone, when you work so that you may bless others you are giving something back. When you are sinning, whether it be stealing or something else, you are doing something completely selfish. It’s useless to stop sinning and sit idly, you have to replace the sin with something positive and good, something to benefit someone other than yourself. You have to counter act the negative behavior and the destructive patterns with positive actions. This is a practical, easy way to achieve your personal goals. Plus, giving back doesn’t feel too bad either.

\\effect

One. One decision, one choice. It could change everything...

Back a few (thousand) years ago there was this girl. She was a widow and after her husband died she had nothing. So this girl and her sister-in-law, whose husband was also dead, embark on this journey with their mother-in-law whose husband... was also dead... (I promise this whole story isn't about dead husbands) So they start along and halfway to this mother-in-laws hometown she decides not to take them with her. Apparently she wanted them to go find new husbands and basically leave her to be alone forever because she was too old to remarry and way too old to have more kids. This lady was a little bit of a pessimist, she kind of thought her life was cursed, lots of bitter diatribe... in my opinion people have had it worse. Anyhow, this lady tries to get rid of them and the sister-in-law cries for a while then leaves, but the girl refuses to go. She puts up this big fight and starts saying all this intense stuff about following her wherever she goes and being buried with her... She eventually convinces the mother-in-law she's not going anywhere without her. So they get to the hometown and settle down, the girl starts following harvesters and picking up their scraps for them to eat... (I promise it gets less depressing) And they make do. So then one day the owner of this field she's been in sees her and starts asking about her... Which leads me to believe she was probably really young and really pretty. And he finds out it's his relatives daughter-in-law, so naturally, he tells his guys to leave her alone and let her have the best wheat stuff and all. So one day the mother-in-law asks where she's getting the prime wheat from, so the girl tells her... (This is where it gets interesting) So the mother-in-law tells the girl to go to this party and wait until this guy eats and drinks a lot and then to go lay down at his feet. Which in my mind is a strange command. But the girl has made this undying vow of love to her so she just does it without question. So the guy likes her and wants to marry her and some other insignificant stuff happens... In the end they get married and have a baby and that baby has a baby and that baby has a baby... And so one. The cool part of the story is that the first baby- Obed- has Samuel- who has David (as in David and Goliath) who becomes king and eventually from that line comes this baby named Jesus... Funny isn't it... You can trace it back to one simple act of obedience. Sure we all say we would have, knowing the end. But this girl, Ruth, she didn't know the end. All she knew is that she was told to do something. And she did it, without question.

\\FEAR

Fear is a terrible thing. It keeps us from so much. Sometimes I think fear is the only thing keeping me from getting what I want. Like in relationships. Fear of rejection, fear of commitment, fear of screwing up. I keep everyone at an arms length because I fear. I fear being alone, being hurt, being held accountable for my actions affecting someone else. I do not mean to push people away, but I do. And because I do, I feel as if I have no right to let people get close to me because I will, at some point, push them away. When I think about every reason I have to be afraid of what people are capable of, what they can do, how they can hurt me, I feel there is no other option than to keep my guard up. Because isn't it right to protect myself? Shouldn't I keep my heart in tact, instead of allowing people to rip it to shreds? I wonder so many times if I am keeping myself from something great because I fear. I fear that which I cannot control. Therefore I keep control by keeping my guard up. I know, deep down inside my heart, that I will have to trust. If I live my whole life expecting that I will never trust anyone again, I will live my whole life never trusting anyone again. It is a setup to failure. and I will have no one to blame but myself.

A lot of the time I think that we moderate our relationships using filters. I have so many of these. I name them after the person or situation responsible for the filter. I have a filter, we will call it the "todd filter", and this filter is the one that causes me to believe people always leave. And because I always have this filter, when someone tells me they are here for the long haul, I always doubt them, I have actually been known to push people away to see how easily they will leave once things aren't perfect. Sadly, a lot of the time, they do leave... And it only creates another filter or causes a current one to become stronger. It's a vicious cycle and over the years I developed a lot of them. Part of getting over fear is letting go the need to have it mandate your relationships. If you judge people on your past and the people who have hurt you, you will always find a way to push away. It's hard to let go of all the things I've built up over the years, letting the scars heal and bruises fade is easier said than done.

Trust is the result of a risk that survives. The hard part is taking the risk and not letting fear stop me. All of life's tests and trials, and my own mistakes, are only valuable if you learn something. I suppose that's the point, to let go of fear and be brave, and see the value in it. Our lives are our own to do with what we will. Good or bad we take it all and we make what we can with it. Fear is the only thing stopping us, and fear is only as powerful as we allow it to be.

Stuff Christians Like!

I recently found this website through one of the other interns (thanks Gabby!)
It's witty and sarcastic (which I love)... stuffchristianslike.blogspot.com... It's basically a blog about stuff Christians like. This guy that writes is it awesome! He updates it like every day and it gets better and better! He writes about everything from the Michael W. Smith hit "friends are friends forever" being sung at camp to wishing your testimony was more exciting to the side hug...

My favorites and must reads are:

#5- Bootleg cookies
#6- Songs with bottomless lyrics
#14- Dating God instead of me
#23- Tattoos for God
#24- Church names that sounds like clothing stores
#47- Rooting for secret Christians on American Idol
#74- Youth group vehicles that break down, blow up and in general suck
#81- Disguising gossip as prayer
#89- Knowing where not to be during the rapture
#103- Singing "Our God is an Awesome God"
#106- The Side Hug
#108- Not knowing how to hold hands.
#113- Booty, God, Booty
#115- Kissing dating goodbye
#125- The mandatory youth minister goatee
#130- Praying at people
#131- The Bald Worship Leader
#137- Holding retreats at locations that could double as horror movies

Music!

I'm always searching for new good music. This weekend I hit the jackpot when I got some suggestions from my buddy Brian who is a youth pastor in Arkansas... So I decided to share my new finds and some old favorites with you!

Misty Edwards- So amazing! Great worship music. Her voice sounds like Sara Bareilles. My favorite songs are "You Won't Relent" and "My Soul Longs for You"

Tenth Avenue North- Great new band, on a worship tour right now (check their myspace to see if they're near you!) Best song "Love is Here" will make you cry... Sound like a mix between Coldplay, One Republic and Switchfoot.

Jesus Culture- Get this CD! It's some of the best worship. Kim Walker's songs are my favorite on the album... "How He Loves" is probably my favorite song of all time.

Desperation Bands new album Everyone Overcome- "Coming your Way" is amazing!

Casting Crowns- I know I'm late in discovering them... lol but I really like the song "Slow Fade"

The Afters- Such a good band- you probably heard their song "Beautiful Love" somewhere- it was really popular last year!

Jonathan Foreman- The lead singer of Switchfoot- He's been releasing EP's on Itunes every season.... Fall, Winter, Spring... They are amazing! Get all of them!